Category: Reflections

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Fortitude.

These last few days, I have let my mind wander. I answered the door to fear, and almost sat down to hear the usual sales pitch of doubt and self condemnation. It amazes me just how quickly our thoughts can rule our mindset if we let them.

This morning I was greeted by the most magnificent sunrise, a cool breeze, and my Dad so strong in my heart.

A song came to mind… and I hummed its beautiful lyrics. I was reminded about my strength, my fortitude, and the reason why I must practice what I preach.

No thing, no human, no thought can change this woman and her drive to do better.

🎼”I went up to the mountain
Because you asked me to
Up over the clouds
To where the sky was blue
I could see all around me
Everywhere
I could see all around me
Everywhere
Sometimes I feel like
I’ve never been nothing but tired
And I’ll be walking
Till the day I expire
Sometimes I lay down
No more can I do
But then I go on again
Because you ask me to
Some days I look down
Afraid I will fall
And though the sun shines
I see nothing at all
Then I hear your sweet voice, oh
Oh, come and then go, come and then go
Telling me softly
You love me so” 🎼
Find your strength today, and remember you are loved. 💙

#hopedealer

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Overcome, Not Over-Complicate.

The triad you see in this picture is all me, however each image reflects stages of my journey. Each picture depicts truth, and displays spiritual, emotional and physical transformation.

As a child, my smile was real. Happy thoughts of mud pies, laughing with my best friend, and reading my favorite books were all I needed. Life was simple. The cruel world, awful people, rotten concepts of thinking and hatred remained dormant and had not reared their ugly heads.

The middle picture was after life had truly pulled the rug. Negative influences, compiled with tremendous self-loathing was driving the car. Addictions to food, alcohol, and hating myself comprised my daily ritual.

I was stuck. I hated myself. I played the game, forced half-hearted smiles, and repeatedly begged for God to use me for good.

The last picture is a woman who found her joy, wakes up happy on purpose, and chooses to feel and experience all life will offer her. This road behind her has taught her that instant gratification is bullshit, and ordinary moments, wide-smiled surprises, and a random chat with someone at the grocery store is what life is all about.

Take time out today to do what you love. Be ever so gentle with yourself… but own your crap. Decide that today is the day you start over.

Overcome, not over complicate – and may who you are designed to be shine brighter today.

CARPE DIEM!! 🖤

#HopeDealer #AnyQuestions #runningmotivation

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16 Miles and Smiles.

She looked softly in the mirror at the woman she once was.

She forgave herself for all the lies she told and believed about her beautiful soul.

She made food her friend… using it to heal and fuel her body.

She said goodbye to her booze addiction that betrayed her beyond measure, but not without letting it see how much good she has used it to teach the world that healing and recovery are possible.

This morning she woke at 4:45 am to run 16 miles. She is disciplined. She is strong. She is kind. She is me.


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Run for Humanity.

Today I run for our soldiers. For our heroes. For our men and women who have given tirelessly and relentlessly for my freedom and for my protection.

Today I run for this world, and how unbelievably broken it is. I run for those weary, and struggling. For those who are broken and sick. I run for our forefathers and what they fought for. I run for humanity and kindness for all humankind, of all skin colors, ethnicities, and race.

I run for peace, and to ignite unity. I run to understand ignorance and to pray for patience. I run for to seek clarity of a world that I admit I am sometimes fearful of and disgusted by.

I run today for this land that I love. Thank you, heroes… military, fire, police, first responders, doctors, nurses, pastors, truck drivers, clerks, gas station attendants, teachers, waitresses, waiters, lineman, mental health counselors, and everyone else who I didn’t mention…

I RUN FOR US ALL TODAY. May we continue to love, to be kind humans, and may our spirits be filled with a united love for all mankind…❤️💙🇺🇸.

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Where I’ve Been.

Timely Tuesday…

Back from a well rested time at the beach. With so much going on in this crazy world, how wonderful it felt to “almost feel normal” again.

Nostalgia flooded my mind all throughout the week as the smell of Coppertone, French fries, seagulls, and kids laughing brought me to a happy place of memories as a child growing up with beach vacations.

I realize as I get older earthly material things mean less and less to me… and the time spent with my family and good friends is priceless. Life is truly flying by quickly, and now more than ever the present moment is where I must try like hell to allow myself to stay in.

I also became more aware that I am typically very hard on myself, but also that I am uniquely me… that what I do matters, and that where I have been and where I am going tell my tale of just what I am made of.

Today I woke up in my little hometown, back on my country roads, with my familiar surroundings, and a renewed sense of why I do what I do.

I know where I have been, I know where I am going… 💜

“The cure for anything is truly salt water” ~

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Happy Place.

Once a year, the countdown on my calendar begins. I mark my beach vacation in a special color. I wait with anticipation to get to this place. A place of sweet summer smells, crashing waves, and miles of sand to toss my cares to.

The sea for me is cathartic. It amazes me. It’s gentle and sweet one minute, strong and powerful the next. It’s a place where I release all my worries. Reflect on where I have been, and pray for better days ahead.

This morning as I was running on the boardwalk, I watched the people. I see each of their faces. Some are young, some are battered, some are aged with wrinkles, some are sun-soaked, some smiling with excitement, some are deeply troubled with sadness.

I think about where they may have been in life, what their story is. Why has their journey led them to this place on this day?

I will be using this time to spend with my family, to stay off social media… as I do find that once in a while, I need to rest my mind from all of the world.

Disconnect back into myself, journal, work on my writing… and truly return to the days when being at the beach was a time worth waiting for.

Take time for yourself today. Hit the reset button, disconnect from everyone else’s crap, and focus on what is right in front of you.

Life is short… the beach is timeless, and a period of restructuring ourselves and quieting all outside noise is a must for continued spiritual growth.

Get up and get after life today. 💙. Amen.

#hopedealer #shuttingdownmymind

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My Father’s Daughter.

This morning I set out for my 15-mile training run.

Today was rough… humidity at 98%, and an added challenge to run without music for that distance to allow time for truly resting my head from purposeful noise… and just allowing nature’s music to be the background today.

It’s these days I often think of my Dad in heaven. So many thoughts are going through my mind…

Happy that he’s at peace, a little jealous that he doesn’t have to deal with the stressors of what’s around us. Heartbroken that I can’t ask him advice on how to deal with certain things…

But even still as I round the corner to finish this run, I know he is looking down… proud at what I have overcome, smiling at who I am becoming, and glowing because his lifelong harsh but gentle teachings are woven in me.

“I am my father’s daughter.”

Fifteen miles of “I-get-to-wake-up-and-do-what-I-love…”

Life has really been good to me. 💙Amen.

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Reflections

Today is my rest day. Today is my day to allow myself the much-needed physical break of pushing my body to its limits the previous week. Today is necessary and needed.

Today my mind is tired, too. As much as we try our best, we can easily get caught on the racetrack of uninvited thoughts, fearful imaginings… temporarily stuck on the rewind button of would’ve and should’ve… or the fast forward button of the what-if’s.

We forget to stay in the right now… in the very present moment.

My job as a nurse can be mentally taxing. Covid is tiring. It’s exhausting. I try my best to trust in what I know, to help those even who are bitter, and to stay grounded in my roots and beliefs that led me to this field.

My Job as Mom makes me question my own choices at times. I ask myself, am I teaching my children how to survive in a crazy world? Am I teaching unconditional love? The worry never ceases, yet with faith as the foundation… I know they will be just fine.

In pausing… I ask myself, did I make the best food choices I could last week? Did I run my heart out with pure love and joy of what my sneakers allow me to accomplish? Did I practice diligence and perseverance?

I can get in my own way. My head space can be annoying, relentless, and a pain in the ass. But my mind teaches me. My thoughts can be changed. I can look at life any way I choose. I have control of what I put in my mouth. I stay sober, I eat right, and I try my best.

Give yourself permission to feel… to question… to make adjustments.

Allow time to sit alone with your soul. Ask it what it needs, and then allow the universe to help you get there. Reflect unto others your gifts.

Reflect often and softly, reflect clearly and wildly… be gentle with your decisions, and forgiving in your results.

Amen 🖤.

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The Porch.

Every once in a while I take time to visit my porch. It’s a quiet place looking out into farm fields, the road I run every day, and the occasional passerby walking their dog.

This porch has tremendous meaning. It used to be the place where I would drink as much alcohol as I could, eat too much crap, and dwell in self-pity about how I wanted my world to change so badly. It was a place to contemplate how much I hated the choices I was making in my life.

My porch today takes on a much different meaning. I sit out here now so incredibly grateful for the lives I’ve touched, and those who have steadily helped me get here.

I log my running miles, reflect on my training, meditate and focus on the things that I aspire to be. I give thanks for the universe and God, and I appreciate everything spiritually.

I seek stillness, all while sober, healthy, and knowing that I can dream, be, and achieve anything I damn want to…

My porch was a place I used to dread visiting because I knew the sadness that was tear-stained on its wood.

Today my porch sees and witnesses a different me. The wood of its foundation is solid and strong, tough and weathered… just like the woman who sits there now and rejoices. She is me… and she is happy 🖤.

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

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This Morning’s Run

This morning’s run was a hot, humid one here in New Jersey.

Often times I get up and go without much thought on where I will run or how far I will go. I tie my laces, walk out my door and immediately I am on my familiar county roads.

Some days I see just wildlife, some days many town locals wave as they pass me in their cars. Today was just the hum of the local farmer’s tractor off in the distance, the sounds of the birds, and my heavy breathing trying to fight the humidity.

As I passed the barn with that beautiful flag hung… I am quickly reminded of just how lucky and blessed I am.

I get to wake up and do what I love, on these back farm town roads that I love but not without what that flag represents… not without those men and women who bravely fought so I could be just this lucky.

This is my home… these are my roads… and today I am just a happy girl.

❤️🤍💙

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

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