Category: Recovery

Posted on

Natural Empath

As a natural born empath, I feel “all the things.” Your things… my things… this world’s things.

I wake up… I meditate… I run and sometimes the sh!&storm in my head still pounds on the door of fear and failure, ever so deceitfully trying to slide its way in unnoticed.

Today I invite you to sit where you are and travel to a home within yourself. Bring what hurts, bring your scars and the load that you carry.

Invite in all the raw, vulnerable, scary parts about yourself that you think define your self worth.

Let them stay as they need to. Let them stay until you can feel that the love you give, the health you fight for, and the purpose that drives you… is not wasted time, but an investment.

Get out of your own way today. Stop doubting yourself. Stop halting the battle of your bravery.

Stop not being okay with who you are. Tuck yourself in to a space of love and acceptance. And when you get there, fight like hell to stay.

Onward…

Posted on

Spiritual Muscles

Spiritual muscles today. Not trying to let in anything that doesn’t serve me. Not trying to let anxieties of the past or future infiltrate in as they often do.

Not trying to be anything today but grateful with a deep presence and appreciation for that which is right now, in this moment.

My feet glide today. My iPod plays songs that resonate both survival and strength. The sun warms my skin and I am reminded of all of the wonderful things that summer brings.

What you are not choosing, you are allowing. I needed this shift today to be more awakened. To be reminded that my deep spiritual needs are the foundation of strength that holds this body together. To let go of what doesn’t matter, and fight for what does.

That. Is. All. 👊🏻

Posted on

6 Years Ago Today.

Today is just a random Saturday to many of us. The start of the weekend. A day to sleep in… catch up and make memories.

Six years ago on this day in June after another night of black out drinking… I woke up on a tear-stained pillow realizing change was a must.

I had been down this road before. I had conquered my demons, had challenged booze and won… but had I?

I remember seeing my sneakers laying in the corner, the laces were so bright and beautiful.

My head was pounding. My heart was heavy. My addictive thoughts were already trying to convince me “I don’t need to quit” and to crawl back to the darkness where I was safe from reality, humility, admission, and repair.

I stumbled out of bed, so weak I could barely stand up. Beads of sweat rolled down my face.

I made it to the mirror, and with every amount of strength had left in me… promised myself I would set out to beat this disease, and spend the rest of my days helping those who felt hopeless do the same.

I managed to tie my laces, and go out to the place where my healing journey began… the open road. As I worked the steps of this book… the steps on that asphalt became my best friend.

It listened intently, it spoke to me softly, and it showed my healing and recovery was possible… one run at a time.

Today is just a day to some… but to me, it’s everything.

2,193 days of taking my life back… doing the deep shit work of admitting my own crap, and pushing to become better.

I am forever grateful to the people that took my hand when I was weak, that loved me unconditionally through my worst, and who I still count on today to help me stay accountable.

Like a sunflower, even on my darkest days… I stood to face the light.

Recovery is not only possible… it’s wonderful.

Posted on

Finding Your Gratitude

I’ve been asked about my personal journey with my food and booze addictions numerous times. I’ve been asked what stepping stones, forward movements, side streets, cliff falls, and rising ascents have gotten me where I am today?

One word I have studied… practiced… inhaled and meditated on is gratitude.

Despite my greatest challenges… despite the naysayers, despite ridiculous social norms, and heavy waves of intermittent mind chatter… I am somehow always able to see life’s gifts to me and fuel my quest for wellness and health with gratitude.

These gifts come in the form of people and their belief in me. They come in nature and the simplicity of a beautiful tree or body of water. They come in art, and what my eyes allow me see… and sometimes they present themselves even in the messy things.

The realness and rawness of disappointments and temporary setbacks… even amidst these moments, practicing gratitude within the chaos is what lays the foundation for the granulation of what you must recover from.

There will always be moments of nonsense. Find your gratitude anyway… onward.

~ From the Diary of What Running and Life Have Taught Me


Stay in Touch with Runner, Writer and Visionary Suzanne Swanson.

Sign up for running and health motivation emails from Suzanne. 

Join our running, healthy lifestyle and emotional support group on Facebook!

Posted on

Stops Along the Way.

The space between where you stand now and where you dream of landing is filled with many stops of uncertainty along the way. I am thankful for every setback, every tear, and plea of why me.

I am thankful for what my addictions allowed me to see, and why I never want to return there again. I am thankful to able to learn, and grow… to breathe and push my body to limits I never thought possible.

I am thankful for the first pair of running sneakers that humbled me… embarrassed me… and stayed patient as I navigated myself to a rebirth of health, appreciation, and love for the unspoken guidance of my paved roads.

Life wakes each morning with ten new reasons to quit, to surrender, to grumble, and to avoid. Be the one reason you prevail. Live thankfully… the end 👊🏻.

Posted on

Go Get It.

Go Get It.

As she pulls the covers back, she notices a faint whisper of all the old voices meant to deteriorate her mind and derail her progress.

Her past buddies of laziness, discontentment, and self pity attempt to follow her to the closet… where her courage, self healing and strength– her sneakers, lay waiting.

She laces up, drinks her rocket fuel… and escapes outside to the pavement of progress.

She glides carefully, one step at a time. She hears the crunching of gravel, feels the slight change in temperature on her skin as she dips in the familiar valley of her back roads. 

It is then she realizes that no thing, no voice, no hater, no critic, no substance can undo what she has… and that is her joy.

She is me, and she is changing hearts and stirring minds… and she is extending her hand for you to come along.

Let’s go get it! #RUNBEFOREYOUFLY

Posted on

Obedience Vs. Obstacles.

She was a lone survivor of her own maladies for many years. Day in and day out, she shuffled through the overcast world of her mind. Sure, she could find little segments of normalcy in between her constant starring role titled You’ll Never Get Out of This Place… but nevertheless, she prayed.

She had belief systems that were false. She had been led down a road that taught her life was mainly full of negatives, and that magic and splendor were only for magazines and television. The alcohol and processed food pled their case daily… promising her a comfortable place to unpack all her loneliness.

She continued this ludicrous pattern of destruction for years until one night in the darkness of trying to rest, a voice echoed in her mind. “Seek obedience to overcome your obstacles.”

You cannot repeat the same pattens of dysfunction and expect a new result. Yes, you can become unstuck from the fly trap of your demise. But this doesn’t come without obedience within yourself.

It doesn’t happen without a battle between good and evil, necessary versus unnecessary… a mix of laughter and pain.

When your desire is working in you, there is nothing capable of stopping what you can become. Something will always show up trying to halt your progress, and keep you trapped. Stay obedient to yourself. Fuel your body with goodness, and allow your reflection to tell the story.

Nevertheless… she prayed.

She is right here. She is me. She is 5 years sober. She is healthy, and fit. She can be you, too. Don’t give up.

Posted on

Light Bringer.

Are you a light bringer and a world shifter?

I get it. No… like I really get it. I ask myself, am I really of this time and space? Has my brain been hijacked? Am I truly witnessing this world fall apart before my eyes?

What happened to the value of a dollar? The meaning of a handshake and its honor for trust. The family table at dinner time, and simplicity of holding the door for someone.

Every day I get challenged. My demons want to me to re-introduce myself. The whiskey bottle subliminally hovers, and the processed comfort foods beg for a chance to take their stronghold.

These things always resurface… coming up for just enough air to try pull me back down… to prove the vicious cycle can reset.

To shift and grow… to brighten and conquer… I must eagerly remind myself of the teachings of my sneakers… and this road.

The conditions are constantly changing. Things insidiously try to stop me from smiling, trick me into un-believing in my ability to play my part in making this world better, and knock me off course so the light dims and conceals my purpose to myself and others.

You have the ability to shine and shift today. Grace is here… there is no need to fight yesterday. Block the mental dimming switch, refuse to stay stuck, and inch your feet just a little.

You’ll ask yourself… will this really matter? To me? To others? The short answer is yes… someone is learning from you. Teach them well.

Posted on

“New Year, New You”

Sleepless nights. Tossing and turning. Hating my choices. Angry at where life “put me.” Feelings of low self esteem. Daily wars with my inner self. HATE. EAT. DRINK. REPEAT.

That was my life for years, only I did it in silence so I could isolate myself from penetrating words, good people, and the truth.

It wasn’t until the long distance sport of running taught me to be tougher than my demons. It taught me patience, and endurance. 

It taught me humbleness, and mercy. It taught me that a little daily discipline, coupled with passion, and a good diet could be the answer to unlocking the door and leaving my living hell, and a hell I chose to stay in far too long.

We all hear the same crap. “It’s a New Year, New You”… “Start tomorrow, today is over.” “I’m going to do it… just not today.” 

I’m here to tell you: today counts. This minute counts. You don’t need a new month, or new turn of the numbers to give you permission to become your greatest self. Our addictions, the errors of our ways, and our poor choices can only thrive if we allow them to.

Be done with your own crap. Take the good advice you give others but never follow yourself. Make YOU a priority, don’t over complicate it. Eat a vegetable, drink more water, and let your story tell itself.

Somewhere today someone is watching you. Be a good teacher, and be a kind human. That. Is. All.

Posted on

Rebirth

I awoke to a song faintly playing in my head: “The sun will come out tomorrow...“ Without much thought about it, I shot up to start my day. I went straight to the coffee maker and opened the unending cabinet of another addiction of mine… too many mugs!

There she was, staring at me. I carefully placed the mug down and began to think about this beautiful symbol’s meaning: healing, and a source of life.

This year is about to end. We have faced continued trying times… personal struggle, and world wide fatigue and crisis. I am tired, I am sometimes weary, I fight my daily battles. Yet each day, I begin with Hope.

I have dreams, and plans so big they can’t begin to fit on that lined notebook paper. I have athletic goals, and pipe dreams that are laughable to many… but to me are the very things that keep me sane, healthy, and appreciating health and wellness.

I refuse to carry the heavy BS into the New Year. It weighs a ton, reeks of self intoxication, and it’s not worth once of what defines me.

This time of year is made for re-birth. It is made for healing, for loving the people who make you better, and for leaving behind those who don’t.

Sip and be well. And remember, “The sun will come out tomorrow.”

Heal, restore, re-birth. Amen.