Embrace What You Can’t Understand.

Where are my overthinkers?

On my recovery walk today… my mind starts to overtake me. Back to the same old questions of “Should I have? Can’t I just be like? Is this way wrong?”

Why do we do it to ourselves? I shake my head and breathe.

I remind myself that no matter where this moment leads me, or how this day unfolds, I am exactly where I am meant to be.

Part of growing and seeing success is to remind yourself of the hope that lives in you. Our greatest challenge is often our mind.

I hear the birds… I see the beautiful wildflowers… and they remind me that this day is a gift.

They are natural born survivors, and so are we.

As my mind relaxes… I think of just how lucky I am to be here. How my path is not what I would have chosen but how my purpose proves otherwise.

Sometimes what we do understand is the best nourishment for your soul.

6 Years Ago Today.

Today is just a random Saturday to many of us. The start of the weekend. A day to sleep in… catch up and make memories.

Six years ago on this day in June after another night of black out drinking… I woke up on a tear-stained pillow realizing change was a must.

I had been down this road before. I had conquered my demons, had challenged booze and won… but had I?

I remember seeing my sneakers laying in the corner, the laces were so bright and beautiful.

My head was pounding. My heart was heavy. My addictive thoughts were already trying to convince me “I don’t need to quit” and to crawl back to the darkness where I was safe from reality, humility, admission, and repair.

I stumbled out of bed, so weak I could barely stand up. Beads of sweat rolled down my face.

I made it to the mirror, and with every amount of strength had left in me… promised myself I would set out to beat this disease, and spend the rest of my days helping those who felt hopeless do the same.

I managed to tie my laces, and go out to the place where my healing journey began… the open road. As I worked the steps of this book… the steps on that asphalt became my best friend.

It listened intently, it spoke to me softly, and it showed my healing and recovery was possible… one run at a time.

Today is just a day to some… but to me, it’s everything.

2,193 days of taking my life back… doing the deep shit work of admitting my own crap, and pushing to become better.

I am forever grateful to the people that took my hand when I was weak, that loved me unconditionally through my worst, and who I still count on today to help me stay accountable.

Like a sunflower, even on my darkest days… I stood to face the light.

Recovery is not only possible… it’s wonderful.

Weeds or Wishes

The dandelion does not stop growing because some people think they’re pointless and bothersome.

Each day the world seems to become more lost in challenges, comparisons, corrupt practices, and societal stigmas. These leave us feeling broken… defeated… empty and lost.

Goals are wonderful. Hard work and perseverance, necessary… but so is keeping the simple magic and wonder of life alive.

We set ourselves up to fail. We listen to people who are not even qualified to dictate or implant an idea of what we must accomplish for mental toughness, or weight loss, or self healing.

We then wonder why if we missed a workout, took a bite of cake, or did not see results overnight, these things made us feel even worse. Right?

Your blueprint is unique. Your dreams…your wants… your desires are meant for you.

Routines are good, but so is spontaneity. Good habits are fantastic, but so is balance.

Stop the pre-recorded message in your head that says you messed up today so your efforts are meaningless.

Peace, joy, comfort, happiness, contentment, steadfast acceptance of yourself comes from your Creator and your willingness to believe in better days and better outcomes… otherwise known as Hope.

You may see a weed… I see a wish. Make one.

~ from the diary of what running and life have taught me ~


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Speedwork.

I had Covid in December. It knocked me flat on my ass, quite frankly. As a runner… it took me years to develop speed, to train wisely, and set the goal of my dream someday… the Boston Marathon.

It wasn’t until about mid-January that I could start to slow jog again. By February I got back out there to try and start increasing my mileage to what it was.

My point… my pace is way off from where I left it… My joy, however, my love of this pavement… the lessons of what these cracks and bends in it have taught me… and my drive to train even harder… and come back stronger is amplified.

Sometimes you have to step back… see the bigger picture. Give thanks for where you are… be grateful for your true friends who inspire you, who encourage you, and who believe in you.

Dust settles… I don’t 👊🏻. Focused and ready… we’ve got some training to do.💜

75 Hard Challenge

What am I learning on this 75 hard challenge?!

I am learning that a gallon is a lot of freaking water 💦.

I am learning that discipline demands a better attitude, and that we can challenge ourselves to do better. 👍

I am learning that 10 pages of a book 📖 at night when you’re exhausted can feel like a 100 pages.

I am learning that doing this means I am not comparing myself to anyone else… but for the personal improvement of my being. 🧘🏼‍♀️

Stagnation creeps on all of us. Do not permit the unsettlement, the lack of understanding, or the fear of the unknown stop you from believing and achieving. 🥇

Set yourself apart. Do the things that hurt… and smile while you’re doing them 🎟.

That is all.

Go Get It.

Go Get It.

As she pulls the covers back, she notices a faint whisper of all the old voices meant to deteriorate her mind and derail her progress.

Her past buddies of laziness, discontentment, and self pity attempt to follow her to the closet… where her courage, self healing and strength– her sneakers, lay waiting.

She laces up, drinks her rocket fuel… and escapes outside to the pavement of progress.

She glides carefully, one step at a time. She hears the crunching of gravel, feels the slight change in temperature on her skin as she dips in the familiar valley of her back roads. 

It is then she realizes that no thing, no voice, no hater, no critic, no substance can undo what she has… and that is her joy.

She is me, and she is changing hearts and stirring minds… and she is extending her hand for you to come along.

Let’s go get it! #RUNBEFOREYOUFLY

Study Your Ingredients

Did you ever stop to think about all the virulent crap we put into our bodies and minds daily? I am not just speaking about foods we ingest, but in all facets of life. We are so conditioned to wake up… hear the bad news of the day, stuff it down, go to work, come home, REPEAT!

I overhear conversations at the grocery store, the gas stations, and the coffee shops all the time. People are on their phones, screaming, wanting more, or demanding less, fighting over yesterday’s deals, and sharpening the blades of their tongues to hurt others.

This year I have promised myself to study my ingredients a little closer, and to really examine who I will let in and who must go. I write down the things that are important to sustain my wellbeing, and how I can choose the better-quality ingredients of life to get me there.

We all need balance. We need a piece of cake once in a while… we need rest days and mind resets. We need retreats and refocus. For years I was too one-sided… all or nothing. I didn’t care about the quality of the ingredients as long as it served my purpose.

Today I am more selective. I am more patient. I am more intuitive with what matters to me and what I will and will no longer tolerate.

I am not just concerned about the quantity of things… but the quality first and foremost. This road, this pavement, these sneakers continue to enlighten and surprise me with their teachings. The time spent on this familiar, yet ever-changing route has afforded me new insight to creating joy… and being happy, just because!

Study your ingredients. Watch out for fake substitutes sneaking their way in to arrest your progress. Settle for less if it means gaining the essence of who are. Today starts with grace and it starts now. Onward… 🖤

Can We Do Better?

I look at this triad that stares back at me and still to this day am unsure of its unfolding. I peer into the eyes of that little girl named Suzanne. 

Dreams of a 7-year-old are quite simple… the fairytales of my princess room seemed so life-like and doable. The genuineness to travel to space, meet my celebrity crush, and care for my baby doll as if her literal life depended on it, kept me smiling and full of life.

The adult years slapped me in the face with a darkness I wasn’t prepared for. The unforeseen devil in the bottle of whiskey, the lies of processed shit food, being overweight, and the hidden agenda of my mind… were to continually taunt me, shame me, and unravel every little good thing I wanted to believe about myself.

Today you will find me on solid ground, but with dreams that soar, and a heart that’s been mended. This didn’t come without tough lessons, steadfast trust, and a pair of sneakers. Those worn out treads have carried me miles and miles.

Running gave me purpose. It befriended me at my lowest, and has taken me to my highest. It never sways, it never says…”‘no you can’t”, it’s not partial to day or night, it doesn’t care what I look like, or what I wear. It just shows up when I need it… and guides me one step at a time. It listens without judgement, and it believes in me.

Running helped me break the chains, and fight for a new existence. It instructed me to do better. We all have crap in our mental closets. We stuff it away, we drink it down, we purge it up… over and over. 

What if we just do better? Don’t wait until tomorrow. Don’t excuse yourself to repeating patterns. Do better. Do something. Do it until you see that 7-year-old’s innocence again… and when you see her, tell her she was right. You can be anything your heart desires. The end.

Light Bringer.

Are you a light bringer and a world shifter?

I get it. No… like I really get it. I ask myself, am I really of this time and space? Has my brain been hijacked? Am I truly witnessing this world fall apart before my eyes?

What happened to the value of a dollar? The meaning of a handshake and its honor for trust. The family table at dinner time, and simplicity of holding the door for someone.

Every day I get challenged. My demons want to me to re-introduce myself. The whiskey bottle subliminally hovers, and the processed comfort foods beg for a chance to take their stronghold.

These things always resurface… coming up for just enough air to try pull me back down… to prove the vicious cycle can reset.

To shift and grow… to brighten and conquer… I must eagerly remind myself of the teachings of my sneakers… and this road.

The conditions are constantly changing. Things insidiously try to stop me from smiling, trick me into un-believing in my ability to play my part in making this world better, and knock me off course so the light dims and conceals my purpose to myself and others.

You have the ability to shine and shift today. Grace is here… there is no need to fight yesterday. Block the mental dimming switch, refuse to stay stuck, and inch your feet just a little.

You’ll ask yourself… will this really matter? To me? To others? The short answer is yes… someone is learning from you. Teach them well.

Back in the Saddle

It’s so easy to have one disruption of life infiltrate our behaviors and mindset.

We all get used to routine. We exit out of the same side of the bed each morning. We reach for our phones before reaching to thank our universe and creators. We wallow in woe is me, and we hit repeat to ensure we halt our progress.

To get back in the saddle doesn’t mean you have to push yourself beyond what you are ready to do today. It means to take one small step towards your becoming. 

It means it’s okay to acknowledge when things suck, to breathe through pain and unsettlement, and to stop allowing people, places, and things which no longer serve your greater good covet any power over you.

Get up and show your face to the morning. Say a kind word to yourself. Move your body, inhale everything that keeps you alive and thriving, and discard what isn’t working. Take a sip of wonder, find magic in even the simplest tasks of life’s daily grind.

The joy of lacing up my sneakers today, breathing in the cold air of gratitude, feeling alive as my feet play the melody of my story on this pavement… these are the things that matter. 

The news, the lies, the dramas, the cowards, the old inflicted wounds, the heavily traveled roads of deception… will keep trying to knock on your door each morning… how unbelievably wonderful for you when they find out no one is home. 

Trust the process of your unveiling… saddle up… and let’s go. Carpe Diem.