Category: Trauma Recovery

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Autumn of Reproach.

Fall is a season of reproach for me. I tuck away the things summer has taught me. I welcome the rustling leaves, the vibrant colors, and dare to dream all that is meant for me in this season.

When Autumn awakes… so does my heart. I allow the sun to take a step back… but my inner strength and yearning to take a step forward. I think of all the gifts that I am given daily. I am thankful in a season of accomplishment, and yet seek excitement for the next place my journey will land me.

I am learning that everything happens in God’s time, that I was woven and spun for his greatest good, and that experiences both awful and wonderful have helped to shape and mold me into the best version of myself that I can be.

Never doubt your internal longing to be greater, continue to question things that are bullshit, and do not settle for anything other than what gives you peace.

Let today be the start of your unveiling. The best is yet to come.

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

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Show Your Face to the Morning.

Some of us today will wake up with a sense of uncertainty.

We will walk down the hall with the same inner conflict we have every day since we can remember.

Some of us will wake up today hungover, ashamed and with a deep disgust within ourselves that we yet again let substance win over our truest longing for sobriety.

Some of us will wake up hiding the cookie package, crumpling the chip bag, hearing the screams of defeat echo that “you’ll always be fat and unhealthy.”

One of us will have woken up after standing up to a bully, deciding that today they will no longer have power over you.

One of us will have prayed for the first time ever… hoping for just one miracle teetering on the brink of a rock bottom.

One of us will wake up and draw the curtains open for the first time in a decade… unsure if the anxiety will let them outside for even just a minute.

One of us will need a friend today. One of us will have a huge victory, and of us will no doubt have a setback.

Whomever you are, wherever you are… draw the shades, let the light in, let the bad shit out. Own it, claim it, trust it, and move through it.

Rise on up… show your face to the morning.

Show up uninvited to all the places within you trying to hold you back. Today matters, and so do you 🌻.

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Letter to a Narcissist.

Her awakening came not by chance, but by an inner voice that was calling her. She was desperate for change but stuck in a quicksand of past failures, deep hurts, and powerful addictions.

She cleared her throat, wiped a single tear off her cheek.

She saw the courage one day, it came to her in a flash. She knew in her heart of hearts the day had to come. She would have to seek justice for herself. So afraid and scared, she wrote the words that she knew would trigger an ending to the madness.

She wrote the words of freedom and liberation. She wrote the words that only a coward could read and twist to inflict more guilt and manipulation.

She was tired, she was exhausted. She was playing a game of chess she could never win because she is not skilled in sickness, and obsession.

She heard the words of what the Spirit told her to write… she backspaced, afraid. Then she re-wrote it.

“Relish in this day because this is the last day any of you will have control over me again. I am not afraid anymore.”

She knew these words within would end the game. Peace would come in the morning. Stand in your beliefs of good versus evil, be afraid of nothing, their guilt-infused words, the booze, and the food only have the power you give these things.

“Seek Me and forgive yourself… you are set free 🖤.”

My letter to a Narcissist, my addiction, and my unhealthy lifestyle ~

Set yourself free. Run to freedom, and allow peace to flow like a river…

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

Sign up to hear from Suzanne via email here.

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The Road is Your Teacher

I look down my long beautiful county road this morning. It’s the same road I have run for years although today something is different…..my perspective.

This road has taught me so much about myself. It’s taught me patience when the answers won’t come fast enough, it’s taught me appreciation for the beautiful place I get to call home.

It’s taught me to value myself, and to always trust my gut. It’s taught me humbleness, and that no matter what there is purpose in each step on this pavement.

Your road is a teacher. Learn from it today….then take what you know and gift it to someone else. Someone is watching you… show them greatness 💛.

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Fortitude.

These last few days, I have let my mind wander. I answered the door to fear, and almost sat down to hear the usual sales pitch of doubt and self condemnation. It amazes me just how quickly our thoughts can rule our mindset if we let them.

This morning I was greeted by the most magnificent sunrise, a cool breeze, and my Dad so strong in my heart.

A song came to mind… and I hummed its beautiful lyrics. I was reminded about my strength, my fortitude, and the reason why I must practice what I preach.

No thing, no human, no thought can change this woman and her drive to do better.

🎼”I went up to the mountain
Because you asked me to
Up over the clouds
To where the sky was blue
I could see all around me
Everywhere
I could see all around me
Everywhere
Sometimes I feel like
I’ve never been nothing but tired
And I’ll be walking
Till the day I expire
Sometimes I lay down
No more can I do
But then I go on again
Because you ask me to
Some days I look down
Afraid I will fall
And though the sun shines
I see nothing at all
Then I hear your sweet voice, oh
Oh, come and then go, come and then go
Telling me softly
You love me so” 🎼
Find your strength today, and remember you are loved. 💙

#hopedealer

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Rise, Phoenix, Rise.

This road before me challenges me today. It speaks to me. It tells me that I if I want to continue to rise like the Phoenix, I must remember a few key things…

My relationship with myself is one of the most important jobs I must continue to cultivate. I must never allow my happiness to depend on another person, place or thing. I am responsible for my creating my own inner joy.

The body war, image struggles, inner food choice fights, and mental sabotage are only a thought away from being used for good. I can change my thoughts and create behaviors that make me well, vibrant and full of life.

I’ll admit it: these past few days, some old feelings, and that familiar knock on the door of derailment have been loud….

BUT today this badass is up and ready. She allowed herself a minute… she comforted her soul, she accepted what was, and now she is ready to close the door, and RISE.

This picture of my road and the breathtaking view of what God created… reminds me that I am on a path to victory. RISE, PHOENIX, RISE 🔥

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Mental Reset

Today I am going to put some powerful work in and press the Ctl Alt Delete reset button of my mind.

When stresses accumulate, when toxic people show back up, when the ways and behaviors of this world are heavy on me… I need a reset.

It’s so easy for any of us to be persuaded back into old patterns of unhealthy eating. Invitations to our destructive habits and addictions can arrive wrapped in deceptive packaging.

Do not be fooled, and do not be led. Be the leader.

Take time today to meet yourself on the roads and trails of your life. Be grateful of where you are, be accepting of where you have been, and be hopeful of where you are going. When the anvils and pressures sit heay… hit Ctl Alt Delete. Clear your head space… and start over.

Every day we are given a new chance to re-arrange, re think, and re-adjust the choices and progress of who we are. Take your power back. Claim it, own it, and use it for good.

Our wealth, our health, and our prosperity are gained but only by the fruits of our labor. Grace is new every morning… and may this road, and these sneakers continue to be the steady ground that has changed my life.

CTL ALT DELETE RESET and GO.

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Run and Be Happy!

For me to become a better athlete, and keep churning at the handle of my personal and professional goals, to ensure my sobriety, and integrity… I need to always meditate to put life in its proper position.

Conflicting thoughts on nutrition, running gear, beauty products, financial plans, life strategies can cause massive chaos to our thoughts if we allow it.

People will always show up on your doorstep of life to inflict their opinions or “two cents” of *their* being into *yours.* Do not allow such individuals to interfere with the trajectory of your journey.

We face adversity together. We can get through uncertainties by the hands and bodies of our personal experiences, and by our very own truths we have allowed others to view.

When the road is bumpy, stay on it.

When you feel like you can’t run, walk, or jog another inch… go three inches. When you see the walls crumbling… believe that when that wall falls, it leaves a new space for unimaginable growth you never thought possible.

Today I am grateful what each of you bring to the table. Your stories, your jokes, your humility, your honesty, your progresses, your setbacks.

All teach us that we are listening…and we can overcome. We all motivate differently. We think differently, we run differently… we set different goals, and that is okay.

Today’s meditation brought up some superior points. Just do your best… don’t be a shitty human being… and never stop being who you are. 🖤

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16 Miles and Smiles.

She looked softly in the mirror at the woman she once was.

She forgave herself for all the lies she told and believed about her beautiful soul.

She made food her friend… using it to heal and fuel her body.

She said goodbye to her booze addiction that betrayed her beyond measure, but not without letting it see how much good she has used it to teach the world that healing and recovery are possible.

This morning she woke at 4:45 am to run 16 miles. She is disciplined. She is strong. She is kind. She is me.


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Where I’ve Been.

Timely Tuesday…

Back from a well rested time at the beach. With so much going on in this crazy world, how wonderful it felt to “almost feel normal” again.

Nostalgia flooded my mind all throughout the week as the smell of Coppertone, French fries, seagulls, and kids laughing brought me to a happy place of memories as a child growing up with beach vacations.

I realize as I get older earthly material things mean less and less to me… and the time spent with my family and good friends is priceless. Life is truly flying by quickly, and now more than ever the present moment is where I must try like hell to allow myself to stay in.

I also became more aware that I am typically very hard on myself, but also that I am uniquely me… that what I do matters, and that where I have been and where I am going tell my tale of just what I am made of.

Today I woke up in my little hometown, back on my country roads, with my familiar surroundings, and a renewed sense of why I do what I do.

I know where I have been, I know where I am going… 💜

“The cure for anything is truly salt water” ~