Category: Self Therapy Journal

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Metamorphosis

Metamorphosis…

As a child, I was carefree, with a zest for life. I didn’t know about responsibility then, or have worry. I didn’t understand the concept of adulthood, paying bills, raising children. I didn’t know about the harshness of cruel people, who the taxman or bill collector was, or that I would soon walk the road to darkness.

In my early to late adulthood, I was taught the hard lessons of love, the fear of crippling anxiety, the sadness of the battle with the bottle, the raw truth of feeling less than.

I felt the defeat of being overweight, the sadness of lack of joy, and had an overwhelming dreaded falseness that I could not become who that little girl on the left dreamed of.

In my midlife, I found the love of running… and today I inhale gratitude with each breath.

I welcome joy, I preach hope. I tell the booze to shut up and lay down. I make my choices. I decide who stays and who goes, and I will choose peace over bullshit every time.

Faith leads the way. Hope lights the path, and perseverance steps you there.

Take a step… take a breath… and find your way to your metamorphosis 🖤.

#hopedealer #IAintDoneYet

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Where I’ve Been.

Timely Tuesday…

Back from a well rested time at the beach. With so much going on in this crazy world, how wonderful it felt to “almost feel normal” again.

Nostalgia flooded my mind all throughout the week as the smell of Coppertone, French fries, seagulls, and kids laughing brought me to a happy place of memories as a child growing up with beach vacations.

I realize as I get older earthly material things mean less and less to me… and the time spent with my family and good friends is priceless. Life is truly flying by quickly, and now more than ever the present moment is where I must try like hell to allow myself to stay in.

I also became more aware that I am typically very hard on myself, but also that I am uniquely me… that what I do matters, and that where I have been and where I am going tell my tale of just what I am made of.

Today I woke up in my little hometown, back on my country roads, with my familiar surroundings, and a renewed sense of why I do what I do.

I know where I have been, I know where I am going… 💜

“The cure for anything is truly salt water” ~

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Happy Place.

Once a year, the countdown on my calendar begins. I mark my beach vacation in a special color. I wait with anticipation to get to this place. A place of sweet summer smells, crashing waves, and miles of sand to toss my cares to.

The sea for me is cathartic. It amazes me. It’s gentle and sweet one minute, strong and powerful the next. It’s a place where I release all my worries. Reflect on where I have been, and pray for better days ahead.

This morning as I was running on the boardwalk, I watched the people. I see each of their faces. Some are young, some are battered, some are aged with wrinkles, some are sun-soaked, some smiling with excitement, some are deeply troubled with sadness.

I think about where they may have been in life, what their story is. Why has their journey led them to this place on this day?

I will be using this time to spend with my family, to stay off social media… as I do find that once in a while, I need to rest my mind from all of the world.

Disconnect back into myself, journal, work on my writing… and truly return to the days when being at the beach was a time worth waiting for.

Take time for yourself today. Hit the reset button, disconnect from everyone else’s crap, and focus on what is right in front of you.

Life is short… the beach is timeless, and a period of restructuring ourselves and quieting all outside noise is a must for continued spiritual growth.

Get up and get after life today. 💙. Amen.

#hopedealer #shuttingdownmymind

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

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My Father’s Daughter.

This morning I set out for my 15-mile training run.

Today was rough… humidity at 98%, and an added challenge to run without music for that distance to allow time for truly resting my head from purposeful noise… and just allowing nature’s music to be the background today.

It’s these days I often think of my Dad in heaven. So many thoughts are going through my mind…

Happy that he’s at peace, a little jealous that he doesn’t have to deal with the stressors of what’s around us. Heartbroken that I can’t ask him advice on how to deal with certain things…

But even still as I round the corner to finish this run, I know he is looking down… proud at what I have overcome, smiling at who I am becoming, and glowing because his lifelong harsh but gentle teachings are woven in me.

“I am my father’s daughter.”

Fifteen miles of “I-get-to-wake-up-and-do-what-I-love…”

Life has really been good to me. 💙Amen.

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Embarrassing Runner Story

LONG HILARIOUS POST‼️‼️ A MUST-READ‼️

Okay, so allow me to be your comic relief on a Sunday Morning. I know most of you expect that my posts are going to be very poignant and filled with valuable information. I have been transparent with you, I have shared with you my story of addiction and obesity.

I have showed you my overweight pictures and struggles… but, today I’m going to share probably one of the most embarrassing things that has happened to me to this date as a runner!!! I’m actually still laughing 😂.

This morning my running partner and I left my house at 5:20 for our 14-mile run. I had attended a beautiful wedding last night, and they were kind enough to have a special vegan dish made for me. It was extremely hot and spicy but delicious, so I ate it all 😂.

This morning I told my running partner that I felt a little off, I had not gone to the bathroom yet… but whatever, let’s just roll with this run and get going.

About 5 miles in my stomach definitely started to rumble and I thought oh my god what am I gonna do? Straight ahead, I see a lime green porta-john and think, “Thank God, he has answered my prayers…”

Now mind you, it’s still very early in the morning. I figured I could hop in, tear it up and get out. Perfect, I say…. who will ever be on these country roads this early!!!!

Two minutes later, I hear a diesel truck pull up– literally what feels like is going to be crashing into the porta potty and I hear “Okay, boys… let’s git this thing loaded up” 😂😂 LMAO.

I start sweating profusely with panic, (’cause what’s happening in there ain’t pretty 🤣🤣). I have to now yell and say “WAIT, THERES SOMEBODY IN HERE‼️”

I open the door and a larger bald man looks at me in disbelief. I just politely say “Sorry about this” and take off running 😂. Ten minutes later, I see the rollback truck pass me with Old Green strapped to the back! I was doubled over in laughter thinking my god, what if they didn’t hear me and I got hauled away to the Land O’ Porta Potty’s…. never to be heard from again.

Things I learned today…

  1. Never trust a port a potty… even if it has a friendly face.
  2. Despite my trauma 😂, I was able to wake up and do what I love. God’s beauty is amazing. I am so thankful to have eyes to see it.
  3. I probably never should eat spicy food like that again.
  4. I will most likely be the topic of discussion at the porta-potty headquarters and I love it😂😂.
  5. I could’ve been abducted into the porta-potty missing persons database and my running partner never would’ve known the difference because he was ahead of me…. saying “I don’t know, she was just right behind me.” 😂
  6. And…. I love my new Run to Change Lives Water bottle.

Be safe out there y’all….. SWANSON OUT!!!🖤

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What Does it Take?

A reader writes in:

“Suzanne… I want to transform my life, but what does it take?”

It takes raw transparency and admission. It takes sleepless nights, and self-evaluation. It takes brutal honesty, and a solid moral compass.

It takes sacrifice, selflessness, and sanity. It takes 4 a.m. wake ups, and sweat, and tears. It takes humbleness, and acceptance, and an openness to learn.

It takes less outings, and more sleep, less processed shit, and more whole foods. It takes pushing yourself, and pavement, and pride.

It takes simplicity, and serenity. It takes less ego and more higher power. It takes more giving and less receiving.

It takes willpower, and determination. It takes big dreams and ditching small-minded thinking. It takes love, and hope, faith, and trust.

Yeah… that’s what it takes… all of it.

Take it or leave it… but believe in you. Believe in what your soul yearns for, and believe with all of this… anything is possible.

Amen ❤️. #hopedealer #transparency #transformationjourney

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Wherever You Go, There You Are.

There is an old adage that says “Wherever you go, there you are.”

We cannot escape the truths within us. We cannot run from our disjointed problems or fears. We can only try to mute the demons that show up to destroy and derail every good amount of progress we make.

It took me years to realize, life isn’t perfect. The ebb and flow of our emotions can take a toll on us. Treat yourself and others with loving kindness as you move toward your transformation.

I love running, I love to push my body to limits that I know are crazy. I fight hard to balance my nutrition, and work tirelessly continue to walk the tightrope of this crazy ass society… BUT most importantly, I’ve learned to take a breath.

Stop and stare at wildflowers, look out onto the lake and appreciate its gentle stillness. Life is passing us by and will wait for no one.

Be diligent in your work. Be accountable to yourself as you embark on crushing your goals, but always remember “wherever you go, there you are.”

So learn to be willing to accept where you are, change what you can, and love who you are unfolding to become🖤.

#manifestmonday #runnersstories #unfoldinyourjourney

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

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No Excuses.

Fulfillment Friday…

My old life was a mess. My terrible habits. My lack of respect for myself and others brought me to a place of unhappiness.

I tried numerous times to get my shit together with little result. I was lonely, fear-struck, overweight, sick, stuck, tired, and deflated.

4:30 am used to be the time I would just be crawling into bed along with my regrets and whisky stained tear drops… praying to stop my insanity.

Today at 4:30 am I was sipping my rocket fuel… getting ready to slay double digits down the boulevard.

You want to be transformed? Good… let’s go. 🖤

You want to be fulfilled… take my hand and I’ll show you the way. Amen.

“Wake Up, Beauties ~ It’s Time to Beast”

#hopedealer #runningmotivation #fullfillment #dontmakeexcuses

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Serenity Sunday…

Often times I think we forget the power held in a little serenity. We are always expecting, wanting, striving, pushing for more, for better, or the next best.

On my 12-mile journey this morning, I thought about the power in having stillness, and enjoying what is… in this very moment.

Giving ourselves permission to lift the expectations of what others think is a must. Giving ourselves permission to just be grateful in the moment changes not only the outcome, but allows a clearer view into our own looking glass. It is here where we are surprised at how simple serenity can undo the plans of our destructive robber in minutes.

Waking up clear-headed without a hangover, well-rested, for me is serenity.

Seeing the beautiful sunrise… waving at familiar faces… and getting to wake up and do what I love… is my serenity.

My body was strong today. I felt good and alive and accomplished… yet I surrendered. I allowed the present to just be. I let the “what if’s” go to hell, and the voices of the naysayers drift off to a place I ain’t visiting.

Let it all go this morning. Surrender. Be. Exist. Find your serenity today 💙.

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The Porch.

Every once in a while I take time to visit my porch. It’s a quiet place looking out into farm fields, the road I run every day, and the occasional passerby walking their dog.

This porch has tremendous meaning. It used to be the place where I would drink as much alcohol as I could, eat too much crap, and dwell in self-pity about how I wanted my world to change so badly. It was a place to contemplate how much I hated the choices I was making in my life.

My porch today takes on a much different meaning. I sit out here now so incredibly grateful for the lives I’ve touched, and those who have steadily helped me get here.

I log my running miles, reflect on my training, meditate and focus on the things that I aspire to be. I give thanks for the universe and God, and I appreciate everything spiritually.

I seek stillness, all while sober, healthy, and knowing that I can dream, be, and achieve anything I damn want to…

My porch was a place I used to dread visiting because I knew the sadness that was tear-stained on its wood.

Today my porch sees and witnesses a different me. The wood of its foundation is solid and strong, tough and weathered… just like the woman who sits there now and rejoices. She is me… and she is happy 🖤.

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

Sign up to hear from Suzanne via email here.