Category: Self Therapy Journal

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Running, and My Why for Doing It.

The essence of who I am begins with my why. Why do I fight so hard to try and change lives? Why do I fight so hard to stay committed to my health and wellness?

The Run to Change Lives family has been a warm and friendly place to share all our journeys, our sorrows, and our victories. It has been pivotal in me sharing my story, and offering hope to all those who are lost.

People ask me all the time, “WHY DO YOU RUN?”

I run when life is suffocating me, and the open pavement provides strength and air to breathe.

I run to pray for all of those who reach out to me for guidance… for those who feel as if their life has nothing left to offer.

I run in times of confusion, when I’m stuck and torn between the strings of my heart verses the soundness of my brain.

I run to dream. I hear the Boston Marathon crowd in my head.

I envision the spectators, I can feel the course, and close my eyes and feel the victory of this accomplishment.

I run to see God’s beauty and all the things that daily I take for granted.

I run to hear nature, and for a moment in time… just simply be in awe of how our earth spins, and that I get to be a part of it.

Finally: I RUN TO CHANGE LIVES. AMEN.

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Unstoppable.

This week has been a week of deep thought, release and reproach. Forgiveness of myself is something I’m often reluctant to strive for.

As disciplined as I am, it’s easy for to me to be to set in my ways, too hard on myself, and too one-sided in many areas of thinking.

This week I set some new goals for myself.

I promised myself more journaling time. I challenged myself to see a difficult situation in a forgiving light instead of an angered one.

I enjoyed some foods I usually scold myself for having… I allowed myself to loosen the lid of the pressure cooker of life.

There are familiar places, smells, sounds, and landscapes that enter my mind often and take me back to a time of comfort, peace, and solace. This week I reminded myself that to get to this place, I need to paddle with the current… not against it.

Be the love… be unstoppable… be understanding… be available for all the things that make you happy.

Don’t get caught in the riptide. Do not go against the flow, but work with the current to get you upstream to the destination of your dreams…

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Rise, Phoenix, Rise.

This road before me challenges me today. It speaks to me. It tells me that I if I want to continue to rise like the Phoenix, I must remember a few key things…

My relationship with myself is one of the most important jobs I must continue to cultivate. I must never allow my happiness to depend on another person, place or thing. I am responsible for my creating my own inner joy.

The body war, image struggles, inner food choice fights, and mental sabotage are only a thought away from being used for good. I can change my thoughts and create behaviors that make me well, vibrant and full of life.

I’ll admit it: these past few days, some old feelings, and that familiar knock on the door of derailment have been loud….

BUT today this badass is up and ready. She allowed herself a minute… she comforted her soul, she accepted what was, and now she is ready to close the door, and RISE.

This picture of my road and the breathtaking view of what God created… reminds me that I am on a path to victory. RISE, PHOENIX, RISE 🔥

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Overcome, Not Over-Complicate.

The triad you see in this picture is all me, however each image reflects stages of my journey. Each picture depicts truth, and displays spiritual, emotional and physical transformation.

As a child, my smile was real. Happy thoughts of mud pies, laughing with my best friend, and reading my favorite books were all I needed. Life was simple. The cruel world, awful people, rotten concepts of thinking and hatred remained dormant and had not reared their ugly heads.

The middle picture was after life had truly pulled the rug. Negative influences, compiled with tremendous self-loathing was driving the car. Addictions to food, alcohol, and hating myself comprised my daily ritual.

I was stuck. I hated myself. I played the game, forced half-hearted smiles, and repeatedly begged for God to use me for good.

The last picture is a woman who found her joy, wakes up happy on purpose, and chooses to feel and experience all life will offer her. This road behind her has taught her that instant gratification is bullshit, and ordinary moments, wide-smiled surprises, and a random chat with someone at the grocery store is what life is all about.

Take time out today to do what you love. Be ever so gentle with yourself… but own your crap. Decide that today is the day you start over.

Overcome, not over complicate – and may who you are designed to be shine brighter today.

CARPE DIEM!! 🖤

#HopeDealer #AnyQuestions #runningmotivation

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Mental Reset

Today I am going to put some powerful work in and press the Ctl Alt Delete reset button of my mind.

When stresses accumulate, when toxic people show back up, when the ways and behaviors of this world are heavy on me… I need a reset.

It’s so easy for any of us to be persuaded back into old patterns of unhealthy eating. Invitations to our destructive habits and addictions can arrive wrapped in deceptive packaging.

Do not be fooled, and do not be led. Be the leader.

Take time today to meet yourself on the roads and trails of your life. Be grateful of where you are, be accepting of where you have been, and be hopeful of where you are going. When the anvils and pressures sit heay… hit Ctl Alt Delete. Clear your head space… and start over.

Every day we are given a new chance to re-arrange, re think, and re-adjust the choices and progress of who we are. Take your power back. Claim it, own it, and use it for good.

Our wealth, our health, and our prosperity are gained but only by the fruits of our labor. Grace is new every morning… and may this road, and these sneakers continue to be the steady ground that has changed my life.

CTL ALT DELETE RESET and GO.

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Be the Change

💙BE THE CHANGE💙… This morning as I was lacing up to head out and enjoy the gift God has afforded me… I thought about something very important: the power of our words.

I can’t post names for obvious reasons of confidentiality… but I want to share this…

To the woman who sent me a private message yesterday, admitting for the first time that alcohol is overtaking her…. don’t give up. I have stood where you stand…. there is hope 💙.

To the person who private messaged me yesterday feeling the lack of self-worth and confidence to stand up to her own enemies… I have stood where you stand… there is hope. 💙

To the brave soul that messaged me yesterday who stepped on the scale for the first time in a year, feeling depressed, defeated, but with a new sense of purpose she hadn’t felt in a while… I have stood where you stand… there is hope.💙

To the man who has recently shared some of his life with me, the pain of not wanting to live, the deep hurts of overthinking, and wanting to numb himself from this world… thank you for revealing a part of you with me… and yes, there is hope 💙.

Our words our powerful. Kindness is free, and lending a helping hand can change the world… literally… one person at a time.

I don’t have all the answers. I struggle, I sit with heavy things, too.

I fear, I pray, I contemplate, I hope, I trust, I love. You want to see a better world? Then stop complaining and let’s “Be the change.”💙

This run is for the wonderful people who have touched my heart… you know who you are.

Now let’s get it!

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Run and Be Happy!

For me to become a better athlete, and keep churning at the handle of my personal and professional goals, to ensure my sobriety, and integrity… I need to always meditate to put life in its proper position.

Conflicting thoughts on nutrition, running gear, beauty products, financial plans, life strategies can cause massive chaos to our thoughts if we allow it.

People will always show up on your doorstep of life to inflict their opinions or “two cents” of *their* being into *yours.* Do not allow such individuals to interfere with the trajectory of your journey.

We face adversity together. We can get through uncertainties by the hands and bodies of our personal experiences, and by our very own truths we have allowed others to view.

When the road is bumpy, stay on it.

When you feel like you can’t run, walk, or jog another inch… go three inches. When you see the walls crumbling… believe that when that wall falls, it leaves a new space for unimaginable growth you never thought possible.

Today I am grateful what each of you bring to the table. Your stories, your jokes, your humility, your honesty, your progresses, your setbacks.

All teach us that we are listening…and we can overcome. We all motivate differently. We think differently, we run differently… we set different goals, and that is okay.

Today’s meditation brought up some superior points. Just do your best… don’t be a shitty human being… and never stop being who you are. 🖤

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16 Miles and Smiles.

She looked softly in the mirror at the woman she once was.

She forgave herself for all the lies she told and believed about her beautiful soul.

She made food her friend… using it to heal and fuel her body.

She said goodbye to her booze addiction that betrayed her beyond measure, but not without letting it see how much good she has used it to teach the world that healing and recovery are possible.

This morning she woke at 4:45 am to run 16 miles. She is disciplined. She is strong. She is kind. She is me.


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I Choose.

I choose…

To live by my standards, not society’s.

To live by choice… not by chance.

To be motivated… not manipulated.

To be useful… not used.

To make changes, not excuses.

To excel for myself… not compete with others.

I choose self worth, not self pity.

I choose integrity over conforming.

I choose peace over bullshit.

I choose me.

What do you choose today?

#hopedealer #changeisgonnacome

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Run for Humanity.

Today I run for our soldiers. For our heroes. For our men and women who have given tirelessly and relentlessly for my freedom and for my protection.

Today I run for this world, and how unbelievably broken it is. I run for those weary, and struggling. For those who are broken and sick. I run for our forefathers and what they fought for. I run for humanity and kindness for all humankind, of all skin colors, ethnicities, and race.

I run for peace, and to ignite unity. I run to understand ignorance and to pray for patience. I run for to seek clarity of a world that I admit I am sometimes fearful of and disgusted by.

I run today for this land that I love. Thank you, heroes… military, fire, police, first responders, doctors, nurses, pastors, truck drivers, clerks, gas station attendants, teachers, waitresses, waiters, lineman, mental health counselors, and everyone else who I didn’t mention…

I RUN FOR US ALL TODAY. May we continue to love, to be kind humans, and may our spirits be filled with a united love for all mankind…❤️💙🇺🇸.

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