Category: Recovery

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The Eve

I find myself on this day feeling no sense of madness or rush. I awoke to a surprise dusting of snow making the “real feel” of this holiday just a little sweeter.

I don’t have all the things that money can buy. I don’t have millions in the bank, I don’t have a yacht or a boat, (I do, however, have enough sneakers to fit Southeast Asia)… but what I do have can not be measured in pounds, ounces, stones, dollars or cents.

I have a life that has been filled with many blessings. I have learned the hard way, I have climbed out, jumped in, clawed and fought. I have won some, lost many, but amidst my trials can not believe how very kind life has been to me.

I have a family that no matter what believes in unity, love, and tradition. When one hurts we all hurt. When one wins… we all win… which is rare… and beautiful.

I have a job doing what I love, and regardless of the ever changing face of the nursing profession, I have had true friends, and the opportunity to work with some of the most kind hearted doctors and nurses in this world.

I have had the chance to help the lost, the lonely, the sick, and the addicted… and I will never forget the valuable lessons in stigmas, humility, and understanding that they have taught me.

Today, I try to remember the true meaning of this Eve as I await to celebrate my Savior’s birth.

Presents and holiday traditions will commence. The tables will be set, fancy plates, and silver polished forks will gleam. While these things are lovely… may we all reflect on just how lucky we are to be here… even in these times of unsettlement and uncertainty. And may we never forget all the sacrifices of forefathers, our patriarchs and matriarchs who have taught us our traditions.

Today on this Eve I run for peace, for acceptance, for understanding, for your blessings and mine. For Hope, and for future, for our children, and their children… and but most of all… for love.

Merry Christmas Blessings to all.

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No. More. Excuses.

“I’ll start tomorrow.”

“I’ll do it in the New Year.”

“Next month, I’m taking control.”

I just have to use up what I have. I already paid for this. I deserve it, I’ve had a bad day. This food will comfort my soul. I only live once. I can’t live life without it… and the list goes on…

All the beautifully packaged and tied-with-a-bow excuses we allow our minds to use as a playground.

I had every excuse in the book to justify why I guzzled booze on the daily, and abused my body with toxic crap. I was “justified” or so I thought.

I fed my fear with sugar, and my low self worth with whiskey. I believed in nothing, I had zero self esteem, and darkness covered me like a weighted blanket. I refused to speak about the elephant in the room, and I almost let the lies become the truth.

The power is inside you. Only you have control over what you will continue to tolerate, and what you will change for a better life. Why would we wait? Grace is new every morning.

To excuse, or not to excuse? That is the question.

#RUNBEFOREYOUFLY #nomoreexcuses2021 #takeyourpowerback

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Transient Thursday

She took a trip deep inside her. She didn’t pack much for this day trip. She wasn’t staying long… her past asked her to sit, pull up a chair, and stay awhile.

She smiled softly with an all knowing that the overthinkers, the overwhelmers, the doubters, all the cunning games of her mind would soon enter the room for a visit too.

She allowed them all to sit and one by one she gave them an opportunity to pitch their deal of opportunity to her… if she chose to stay.

As she got up to leave they spoke quickly and desperately, asking why she was leaving so soon.

“I’m a transient guest today,” she answered.

“I respect what you have taught me. I acknowledge the things I cannot change, and I will never give up and allow you to hijack the contentedness that I cultivated from the cracks of light that you barely let in.”

My past is impermanent, my presence is joy, and my future is whatever I want it to be… and so is yours.

Know that the places we must visit from time to time are necessary. That sometimes to “become” we must “unbecome” first. That the dark places deep within us are often softer, and kinder than we think.

The greatest of your strengths are often built from the aftermath. Settle for nothing less than what brings you warmth, brilliance, and passion.

“Shut the door on your way out,” the past screamed… and with her eyes she spoke:

“Think twice about inviting me next time… good day.”

Stay in Touch with Suzanne

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Say You Can.

Today I want to share a simple thought of transformation. Often times we transform our bodies, which is hands-down important. However, I sometimes forget how crucial it is to continue to transform my mind.

I spent time today reflecting on how much our world has changed, how much I have changed.

I pondered what I will no longer continue to tolerate, what I will continue to let go of, and what I will continue to welcome in.

Disappointments arrive at our door daily. Goals we set seem just an inch’s length away… until the next roadblock occurs.

If we let these things dictate our progress and determine our happiness…we are already set up for failure.

I didn’t get sober by accident. I worked for it. I didn’t lose weight by accident… I fought every damn day of my life for it.

l didn’t wish for my beliefs… morals… and values to improve. I chose it, I suffered for it, I learned from it.

I stumble every day over something. I question it… I swear about it… I dislike it.

But I know when the day ends and the night falls… the transformation continues.

My path is lit with hope, faith, dreams, and goals as wide as my paper will allow me to write them. No one person, place or thing is going to force me to see it differently.

Stay your course… and know it’s your journey… it’s your pen… and you have something very valuable to teach others.

May your transformation be ever so sweet.

#strongaf #sayyes #sayyoucan

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Face It.

To be a front runner in our personal lives requires us to lead with an open heart, display a willingness to be consistent, and have the courage to face our monsters hiding in the closet.

As I reflect back on the slideshow of my life, often times it seems surreal. The moments when I retrace and pace the steps of how I got to this place, in this very moment, seem translucent.

My years of active addiction and being overweight ingrained feelings of shame, driving the markers of failure deeper. I denied my inner cry for help.

For years I tried to hide the whiskey on my breath. I wept in silence, I gulped processed food in silence… and I hated myself out loud.

I don’t know what you’re facing today… but I do know this. Perhaps today is the day you must descend down in order to rise up to a better tomorrow.

Sit or lie with whatever it is, until you have comfortably declared that it will no longer control you. And remember: just as the autumn leaves must fall to face their destiny… even on the ground, their beauty is magnificent.

Today does not have to be radical nor does it have to be complicated. We are all worthy of moving at our own pace. Today is about understanding that as we grow inward and in faith, it gets harder to fake what we won’t be.

Make an advanced choice to put your truth in front of your impression.

We start slow. We start by admittance. Ask yourself… what do I need to face today? Maybe it’s been hidden for years, or maybe the prints are still fresh.

Move through today with grace and strength. Life is waiting for you.

RUNBEFOREYOUFLY #faceitfriday #runningsavedmylife

Stay in Touch with Suzanne

Thank you for supporting my writing and running endeavors at RunBeforeyouFly.com. I’m Suzanne Swanson and I’d love for us to keep in touch!

Receive updates via email when you sign up here.

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Run Before You Fly.

She stood raw in front of the mirror, shaking from the sicknesses inside her. She was tired. Her head pounded as the liquid poison was trying to escape her cells. Her eyes red… barely open from puffiness of crying herself to sleep, begging for anything or anyone to save her from herself.

“You can’t reason with us,” her demons spoke up quickly. “You’re lost, you’re fat, you’re a drunk, and you will never be loved.”

She looked at her sneakers that had settled where she last kicked them in the corner of her room… laces twisted, so bright and beautiful. She turned around, paused… and then turned her head back to the corner.

No, she thought… I’m delusional.

She looked again and the inner voice of those shoes said… and she heard:

“We love you, we believe in you. Give us a chance.”

She untangled the laces, slipped them on her feet like Cinderella… feeling a tad nauseous, and with the room spinning… she opened her door.

With newfound hope in her heart… she turned back to the mirror and whispered:

“You’re wrong, demons… keep your eyes on my feet, keep your hands to yourself… ’cause we’re about to set out and change this world.”

Take yourself to the next level today. Go higher and soar. Take in only that which brings you love, peace, strength, and light. I believe in you.

-Suzanne Swanson

#RUNBEFOREYOUFLY #transformationtuesday #dunkindonutskicks #rocketfuelincup

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

Sign up to hear from Suzanne via email here.

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What If?

WHAT IF WEDNESDAY‼️

So today is Wednesday. Some of us will wake up with same mindset that has stolen our joy for years. We will complain. We will start our day with the weight of all the stress we will face today. We will let fear cripple us.

We will scroll through social media… compare ourselves to others, wish we were somewhere different, or think of ways that we could mirror someone else’s life.

I am guilty of it, too. I have had too many Wednesdays where I start my day feeling low, tired, and with a feeling of complete failure.

What if today… we drop all our excuses? What if today is the day you decide to wake up happy on purpose?

What if today is the day you stop letting fear keep you from trying new things and becoming great?

What if today we step out of our comfort zones and take a step toward greatness?

What if today we say yes to treating our bodies how they should be treated?

We make life hard sometimes. We allow others and ourselves to rob the self-worth we all deserve. Start today… and just begin.

What if today is the day we change our life?

Together we can. Amen. ❤️

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Superhero (It’s Not About the Scale.)

It’s Transformation Tuesday!

There is a limit to the amount of misery and crap we will put up with. There is a limit to the amount of mess you can stand in your mind, in your heart space, and in your spirit.

This is not just about weight. I don’t believe in scales.

It’s not about what you weigh. Some of the most beautiful people I know are different sizes, shapes, body structures… and they exemplify who and what true heroes are, and that kindness in this world still exists.

This is about freedom from your addictions, from your toxic relationships, from society telling you one way is better than the next.

I was addicted to food, to whisky, to anything that numbed away reality. I lost hope, I swam in fear… until I took charge. I wanted full transformation.

You don’t need to be a certain size to be worthy. You don’t need to model yourself after anyone other than who your own beautiful soul is. You do need to live with choices you make, good and bad.

I wanted better. I wanted to finally trust that I was woven and spun… purposefully here, to do my job.

My job is to tell you: whatever you think you can’t overcome? You can.

Whomever is telling you that you’re not made for your dreams and aspirations… is dead wrong.

And lastly: you were made to shine. Get a match and let’s go 🔥💥☄️

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

Sign up to hear from Suzanne via email here.

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Thanksgiving.

As we approach this season of Thanksgiving, I realize more and more just how much life has given me. Seeing my breath hit the cold air… feeling alive as my heart pumps fast, and my lungs burn… all the time knowing that not everyone gets to do this, and what a true gift it is to be able to be active, and well.

The human body is an amazing masterpiece. Our senses, taste, touch, our eyes to see all that is created wonderfully. We can use our senses for things recognizable, but it’s our hearts that make us the incredible humans we are.

Face all possibilities today with a relentless flow of love and happiness. The dark will always continue to try to conceal our truth within. But the heart know us, and is ever-attentive to allow tenderness and dismiss fear.

Run, work, play and do all things today with an appreciation for your heart. Respond to the call of life and may your presence shine brightly. A loving heart will always awaken the spirit of possibility… go forth and start living!

May all troubled hearts find hope, may the eyes of your heart open… and may today be the day Destiny draws you in.

#hopedealer

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Inhale Courage, Exhale Fear

She awoke one day in her usual frame of mind. Her head pounded from booze the prior night. The processed crap she had eaten just before laying down did not comfort her as promised… only left her feeling more empty and digusted.

She slightly remembered her repeated promise to herself only hours before that someday things would be different.

Fear roared louder and louder, telling her she wasn’t strong enough to change. Fear invited itself in to set up camp in her mind, expecting to stay for the long haul without question or hesitation.

Courage had other plans, and waited ever so patiently to surface. Courage held her hand and led her inward.

“We’re going deep,” Courage whispered… “We may be gone a while. But when we come, back fear will no longer live here.”

“Are you sure I’m ready?” she mouthed.

Courage took a big inhale and said:

“We’ve waited our whole life for this moment. Onward, Love… the end. 🌸🌷🌿.

What fear is holding you back today? Inhale… exhale… onward.

#hopedealer #inhalecourageexhalefear #wegotthistogether

Follow along as Suzanne Swanson takes us through her transformation from addiction to athlete. Find support and healing in your own life! We’re sending Suzanne’s blog updates via email along with a daily dose of motivation. Don’t miss the next post… delivered straight to your inbox.

Sign up to hear from Suzanne via email here.