Category: Forgiveness

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Transient Thursday

She took a trip deep inside her. She didn’t pack much for this day trip. She wasn’t staying long… her past asked her to sit, pull up a chair, and stay awhile.

She smiled softly with an all knowing that the overthinkers, the overwhelmers, the doubters, all the cunning games of her mind would soon enter the room for a visit too.

She allowed them all to sit and one by one she gave them an opportunity to pitch their deal of opportunity to her… if she chose to stay.

As she got up to leave they spoke quickly and desperately, asking why she was leaving so soon.

“I’m a transient guest today,” she answered.

“I respect what you have taught me. I acknowledge the things I cannot change, and I will never give up and allow you to hijack the contentedness that I cultivated from the cracks of light that you barely let in.”

My past is impermanent, my presence is joy, and my future is whatever I want it to be… and so is yours.

Know that the places we must visit from time to time are necessary. That sometimes to “become” we must “unbecome” first. That the dark places deep within us are often softer, and kinder than we think.

The greatest of your strengths are often built from the aftermath. Settle for nothing less than what brings you warmth, brilliance, and passion.

“Shut the door on your way out,” the past screamed… and with her eyes she spoke:

“Think twice about inviting me next time… good day.”

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When it’s Hard to be Thankful.

So much of what of what I write about comes from the experiences, trials, and uneasy places I have visited within myself since I was a little girl.

We are constantly being told be grateful, be thankful, count your blessings etc.

But what if you feel that life makes it impossible to do so?

I can promise you that life will always bring trials and experiences of unfathomable circumstances. I know in my own self-discovery that many painful days where I begged for answers of clarity… have always ended with “Be still… have faith… and find a way to seek thankfulness… even still.”

Blessings come in all forms. And even in the times where we think they are not present… seek to find something exhibited in your day… guiding you to simplicity and contentment.

As we enter this Thanksgiving holiday, let us all remember that some of us will face challenges of unknown severity.

One of us will we be faced with difficult family dynamics. One of us will shake with anxiety of not picking up a drink.

One of us will feel alone, afraid or not worthy of receiving grace. One of us will have just awoke from years of self inflicted wounds. One of us will still feel the unbearable pain of the absence of a loved one who is gone.

Be kind to yourself, and allow for adjustments. Search for the thankfulness in simply showing up for yourself… with a willingness to try, and to want better.

Blue skies are a gift to be thankful for. A warm smile is a gift to be thankful for. A text saying “I’m here for you…” is a reason to be thankful.

Be thankful… even still.

#seekgratefulness #RUNBEFOREYOUFLY #evenstill

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16 Miles and Smiles.

She looked softly in the mirror at the woman she once was.

She forgave herself for all the lies she told and believed about her beautiful soul.

She made food her friend… using it to heal and fuel her body.

She said goodbye to her booze addiction that betrayed her beyond measure, but not without letting it see how much good she has used it to teach the world that healing and recovery are possible.

This morning she woke at 4:45 am to run 16 miles. She is disciplined. She is strong. She is kind. She is me.


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Metamorphosis

Metamorphosis…

As a child, I was carefree, with a zest for life. I didn’t know about responsibility then, or have worry. I didn’t understand the concept of adulthood, paying bills, raising children. I didn’t know about the harshness of cruel people, who the taxman or bill collector was, or that I would soon walk the road to darkness.

In my early to late adulthood, I was taught the hard lessons of love, the fear of crippling anxiety, the sadness of the battle with the bottle, the raw truth of feeling less than.

I felt the defeat of being overweight, the sadness of lack of joy, and had an overwhelming dreaded falseness that I could not become who that little girl on the left dreamed of.

In my midlife, I found the love of running… and today I inhale gratitude with each breath.

I welcome joy, I preach hope. I tell the booze to shut up and lay down. I make my choices. I decide who stays and who goes, and I will choose peace over bullshit every time.

Faith leads the way. Hope lights the path, and perseverance steps you there.

Take a step… take a breath… and find your way to your metamorphosis 🖤.

#hopedealer #IAintDoneYet

Stay in Touch with Suzanne

Thank you for supporting my writing and running endeavors at RunBeforeyouFly.com. I’m Suzanne Swanson and I’d love for us to keep in touch!